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Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

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Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Darkflame on Fri Mar 03, 2017 7:33 am

Personality and the Basics


Name: Darkflame
Gender:Female
Type: Western
Species:Dark Fire Cavern Dragon
Age: 21 Years
Date of Birth: May 8th
Personality: Darkflame is a dragoness known for her loyalty to her tribe. She is the kind of dragon to have a straight to the point attitude, and is often quite direct with those she talks to, which can end up with her sometimes appearing aggressive or rude. This attitude can be especially prevalent when she is upset or angry. Corresponding with this, Darkflame also enjoys it when others are scared of her, as she likes having that power over them. Keeping other dragons afraid of her prevents them from messing with her or her tribe.

However, most of the time, others don't need to worry about this snappy temper, because she generally has a joyful attitude on the inside, thus she never has a reason to get fierce with other dragons. Though, there are chances where she will become serious and somber, especially in times of dire need. Most of the time, Darkflame can be a bit sarcastic and stubborn, likely due to her spunky attitude mentioned before, as her excitement and fierce individuality can lead her to having conflicts of interest with other dragons. But, when it comes to Darkflame, the thing that always takes first priority is her tribe, as the Xoya are like her heart and soul. She doesn't know what she'd do without them.

Hobbies:Hunt, fly throught the night, drawing.
Likes:
1.Run.
2.Fly
3.Talk
4.Paint
Dislikes:
1.Arrogant Dragons
2.Killers
3.Helpless Dragons
4.Embarrasment situations.
Fears:
1.Be a killer
2. See all her Tibe destroyed
3. Thunderstorms(The thunderstorms because when her father confronted the Rogues)


Origin, Culture, and Family


Place of Origin: Shveki
Tribe:Xoya
Position:Schützen
Language: Universal, Xoya.
Home: Xoya's city
Parents:
Father:Claw
Mother:Lark
Siblings: Ace and Smokey
Relatives:N/A
Mate:N/A
Offspring: N/A
History:She born in a place out of the Kingdom Shevki, but close to Xoya
her parents leaved Shveki because they won't be bothered about their eggs, so they moved to another place, they lived in a cavern, that was fully of gas, ashes
and fire, her parents lived happy, the day they where born Darkflame and her brother where only htachlings that they had, the others died when they where still
on the egg, her parents were sad but happy that they could have at least 2 hatchling
the time passed and her parents taught her and her brother of  All the three contients and the Tribes and how to use their magic.

One day a band of rogues arrived to the cave
and claimed Darkflame as one of the rogues, but his father, furious,  because how
a rogue could claim his own daughter? he instanly attacked the leader of the band and the others attacked him back, her mother joined his mate in the battle, but the rogues outnumbered them, his parents died in the battleand the rogues take Darkflame as one of them, the leader ordered to kill his brother, he looked useless to him, so it was.

Darkflame trained with them, by years, at the age of 16, she decided to kill the rogues to revenge her family, at the night she entered on
the cave where the rogues lived, Darkflame finished them one by one althought
she had gained scars in her scales. She hide the bodys of them and went to
the Shveki to find the Xoyan's City, and to find shelter on them.


Physical Appearance and Accessories


Height: 129 Ft
Length: 160
Wingspan: 2.5
Scale/Fur/Feathers:Darkflame is a black dragon with some holes in the bottom of her wings, she have large
claws, a large scar in her right eye and left eye.
Eyes: Red eyes
Accessories: A black collar with teeth of the rogues she beaten
Armor:She has a iron claws and a armor covering her shoulders
Horns/Spikes: She has long horns by her head to her tail(they are located in her head to the end of her tail.) It's color are grey                              
Overall Appearance: N/A

Abilities and Strengths


Abilities: Dark fire ball: This is a combination of fire and darkness, that could burn her oppenent, and make it bleed much, this
could knock Darkflame's opponent aback, the color of her fire ball is black-reddish fire.
Dark Ivy:Thanks to her power she can control the shadows as she wants, but she also can control this to trap her enmy in dark plants(Mostly ivy's) and make them throw it , the shadow helps her to confuse her enemy using any shadow close, Darkflame can use the shadows to hunt prey. The dark ivys color are black-purple with hints of red on it.
Dark Shadows: This magic is to trick her enemy, but Darkflame also uses this to protect her territory, den or friends, sometimes, she uses this a trap to hunt animals.
Strengths:
1.Dark magic or fire
2.Think about her Tribe and her death family
3.Her strong scales in her body
4.The night

Weaknesses:
1.The lighting power.
2. Light power
3. Water, because having the fire in her skills water, this could make her weak, if she doesn't do anything to stop the water magic to touch her or else. Also, all what is related with water (enviroments, power, dragons of water) But she can drinks water, but it can weaks her
4.Her magic, sometimes drain her energy, if she uses it bad.

Fighting Style:magic is for burn her enemy or she just uses this for fun.
Combat Style: She first, makes her opponent get confused and then uses
her dark fire to hit it and knock him/her out, she then bites it scruff fiercely, shakes it and throws it towards a wall or a rock, when the opponent is going to attack she
uses the shadows to dissappear and reappear in another place to attack her opponent, Darkflame uses her claws too scratch fiercely and make her rival bleed and run off, scared or to make her oppnonent give up the fight..
Magic:
-


Last edited by Darkflame on Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:27 pm; edited 9 times in total
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Sonus Decessus on Sat Mar 04, 2017 8:00 pm

@Darkflame wrote:
Abilities and Strengths


Abilities: Dark fire ball: This is a combination of fire and darkness
Please please more information on this. I can't go on with this, just a "combination of fire and darkness". What does it do? How does she control it? What is it's color? What damage does it do? How long or what it even is
Shadow guild: Thanks to her power she can control the shadows as she wants,

What power? What can she do with the shadows? How does she manipulate them? What does this mean to control it?
Dark Fire: This magic is for burn her enemy or she just uses this for fun.
once again more description please!
Strengths:
1.Dark magic or fire
2.Think about her Tribe and her death family
3.Her strong scales in her body
4.The night

Weaknesses:
1.Thunderstorms
2. Light power
3.Rejection
4.Her magic, sometimes drain her energy, if she uses it bad.
You need one more weakness.
Fighting Style:magic is for burn her enemy or she just uses this for fun.
Combat Style: She first, makes her opponent get confused and then uses
her dark fire to hit it and knock him/her out, she then bites it scruff fiercely, shakes it and throws it towards a wall or a rock, when the opponent is going to attack she
uses the shadows to dissappear and reappear in another place to attack her opponent, Darkflame uses her claws too scratch fiercely and make her rival bleed until the death.
Please, more description. You can't just OP and automatically control their character
Magic:
Darkness and Fire
More description please

Over all, please more description. If you need to, go look at the information page. Also, the position you put for Offensive General, is taken. Please pick another

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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Artemise on Sat Mar 04, 2017 8:02 pm

By the way, there's no such thing as Phyrria - or NightWings - on here xD Also, if you're a Xoyan, your dragon should be born somewhere in Shveki, so put that as your place of origin, unless your dragon came from another place...?

Also, how is rejection a weakness?

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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Sonus Decessus on Sat Mar 04, 2017 8:08 pm

(theres just a lot you need to fix so please fix it. And with your personality you need five complete sentences)

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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Artemise on Sat Mar 04, 2017 8:09 pm

Just change the commas in your personality section to periods, that should do.

sonus, we've faced this problem before have we

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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Sonus Decessus on Sat Mar 04, 2017 8:17 pm

Yes. Yes we have.

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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Oculus on Sun Mar 05, 2017 11:33 am

One grader at a time....
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Darkflame on Thu Mar 16, 2017 8:23 am

I have a question, what ranks are open in the Xoyan Tribe?
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Oculus on Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:21 am

All but the Generals and Skygger are open
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Darkflame on Wed Mar 22, 2017 5:20 am

So, can i Skygger...?...if not i pick General
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Caramina on Wed Mar 22, 2017 5:43 am

He said, 'All but the Skygger and General are open'

Aka, you can pick anything except for Skygger and General.
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Darkflame on Wed Mar 22, 2017 6:05 am

Ok thx
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Darkflame on Mon Apr 03, 2017 6:55 am

Can someone link me a list of the opne ranks pls?
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Oculus on Mon Apr 03, 2017 8:20 am

Schützen Or civilian less Haven adds more ranks. http://dragonshaven.forumotion.com/t10-dragon-tribes-wip
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Darkflame on Wed Apr 05, 2017 8:24 am

Thanks Oculus
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Oculus on Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:42 am

Remove the WIP in the title and bump thread when ready ^.^
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Darkflame on Wed Jun 07, 2017 1:15 pm

Bump
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Scortia on Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:25 pm

Hello DarkFlame! Welcome to Dragons Haven! It's a pleasure being able to talk to you and to help you on the first steps to getting your app approved! If you have any questions about this process, me or another staff member will be glad to help you! I apologize if this may seem like a lot, but I promise, all the edits will be worth it in the long run! I also hope these were helpful into providing some insight into the app creation process. :) Anyway, let's get onto the grading!

Personality

I just would like to point out that your personality is one big run on sentence. I know you might not be a native English speaker, but it would still be nice if the paragraph was a bit more cleaned up. An example of this would be something like this. You can use the sentence I provided, or you can fix it yourself, it's up to you. I highlighted the revised sentence~

Darkflame is a dragoness known for her loyalty to her tribe. She is the kind of dragon to have a straight to the point attitude, and is often quite direct with those she talks to, which can end up with her sometimes appearing aggressive or rude. This attitude can be especially prevalent when she is upset or angry. Corresponding with this, Darkflame also enjoys it when others are scared of her, as she likes having that power over them. Keeping other dragons afraid of her prevents them from messing with her or her tribe.

However, most of the time, others don't need to worry about this snappy temper, because she generally has a joyful attitude on the inside, thus she never has a reason to get fierce with other dragons. Though, there are chances where she will become serious and somber, especially in times of dire need. Most of the time, Darkflame can be a bit sarcastic and stubborn, likely due to her spunky attitude mentioned before, as her excitement and fierce individuality can lead her to having conflicts of interest with other dragons. But, when it comes to Darkflame, the thing that always takes first priority is her tribe, as the Xoya are like her heart and soul. She doesn't know what she'd do without them.


Hobbies

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by 'See the moon'. Could you elaborate on this? Does it mean you like to stare up at the moon at night?

History

Again, there are a few geographical errors and grammar errors here. The most notable I would like to point out is that Shveki is not a kingdom. Shveki is one of the three continents of the planet Nuira, with Layrian and Verula being the other two. Xoya is a 'kingdom' that resides on Shveki. Pyyria also doesn't exist on Nuira.

Abilities

Dark Fire Ball: When you say knock her opponents, do you mean knock them out, or do you mean to knock them away?

Shadow Guild: I would say put a limitation on this shadow control. Also, ivy and shadows are two different things. If you want to be able to control the plants, I would say have that in a different ability. One weakness you can say is that an attack from the shadow only works one time, when it is a sneak attack and the dragon is unfocused. Or it can be used multiple times, but a dragon can deflect it if they use their own shadow or they use a breath attack. Something like that. :)

Dark Fire: Just wondering, but what is the difference between this one and Dark Fire Ball?

Weaknesses

My main suggestion for this is to try to think up weaknesses that have the potential to be exploited by any dragon. Also, thunderstorms are likely more of a trauma or fear than an actual weakness.

For light power, I might switch this up a bit to something like, light/energy based attacks, or something along those lines. Same for water. Also, does water weakness apply to all water? Like, can she swim? How does she fair in moist, wet, water filled environments?

Also, you'll have to be more specific when you say use her magic for bad. Bad is a subjective term. One person's idea of what is bad might be different from another, and thus either side will view the other as evil or 'bad'.

Magic

Just to clarify, magic is not the same as abilities. Abilities are things your character can do naturally, such as an elemental breath attack. Magic is something that taps into arcane forces. From what you describe with your shadow and fire abilities, those are more magic. You would list down your magic spells in this section.

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My life in a nutshell:
[21:39:56] Silhouette : (Why the pic?)
[21:40:05] * Blaze isnt over dramatic, he just doesnt like ardent being "one" with Scort.
[21:40:13] Elyn Entezz : Because they're hetalia trash :@

Mixups are Fun:
[21:53:14 19/11/2016]@ Oculus : are you guys mixing up Hetalia with Hentai?
[21:53:26 19/11/2016] Skylar : (*cough blaze/ardent*)
[21:53:31 19/11/2016] Silhouette : (I think that was it Oculus)


Famous Quotes:

"Man, I wish my art didn't suck." - Scortia, commenting on her own art
"Yep, there's wind." - Connie Maheswaran
"YO, WHO'S BABY IS THIS?" - John Laurens, in a comic I read
"so i am basically right." - SolsticeEquinox, about coding with Acer
"Dun worry about it." - Scortia, on various occasions
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Re: Darkflame- The Black Dragon/W.I.P

Post by Scortia on Wed Aug 16, 2017 12:32 pm

Remember to bump once your have edited the stuff I told you to.

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My life in a nutshell:
[21:39:56] Silhouette : (Why the pic?)
[21:40:05] * Blaze isnt over dramatic, he just doesnt like ardent being "one" with Scort.
[21:40:13] Elyn Entezz : Because they're hetalia trash :@

Mixups are Fun:
[21:53:14 19/11/2016]@ Oculus : are you guys mixing up Hetalia with Hentai?
[21:53:26 19/11/2016] Skylar : (*cough blaze/ardent*)
[21:53:31 19/11/2016] Silhouette : (I think that was it Oculus)


Famous Quotes:

"Man, I wish my art didn't suck." - Scortia, commenting on her own art
"Yep, there's wind." - Connie Maheswaran
"YO, WHO'S BABY IS THIS?" - John Laurens, in a comic I read
"so i am basically right." - SolsticeEquinox, about coding with Acer
"Dun worry about it." - Scortia, on various occasions
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