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Nathar, the Shattered One

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Nathar, the Shattered One

Post by Nathar on Sun Aug 06, 2017 12:07 pm

Personality and the Basics


Name: Nathar
Gender: Male.
Type: Western.
Species: Four-winged Darkstalker
Age: 600
Date of Birth: April 26
Personality: Nathar was once a normal dragon with a fixation on magic and its uses, but after the incident he became fragmented, shattered, broken... His injuries and magical corruption cause him to feel constant burning and crushing pain all over his body. He was corrupted by an experiment of his own making. His emotions and desires fragmented and became their own minds. They have the ability to take over parts of Nathar's body at certain times, most often when he is feeling strong emotions. They act as separate beings in the same body, and they all speak through Nathar's maw. He has control over himself most of the time, but his emotions can take hold and cause him to do things he normally wouldn't.
Hobbies: He wanders around Nuira with no apparent purpose. He seeks a cure for his current state, but he had had no luck so far. He still practices magic, and as a result of the Incident, he has incredible magical power.
Likes: He likes hearing stories, it's pretty much the only way he can see any more.
He likes having someone with him, even if they're silent, just knowing that someone's there helps him feel a little safer.
He enjoys making things with magic, or just using magic in general, it calms him.
He enjoys cool or cold weather, it calms the burning pains that he cannot escape.
Dislikes: He dislikes sleep, ever since the Incident he has to deal with almost constant nightmares and his mind taunts him and tortures him by repeating the events of the Incident.
He dislikes warmth, it makes the pain worse...
He hates it when his mind reminds him of what he did, what he could have done, and what he didn't do...
Fears: He fears his own mind and the fact that his emotions can now force him to do things he'd never have done...
He almost fears sleep, his subconscious mind tortures him with guilt and forces him to relive the events of the Incident.
He fears being alone, forever... He's almost addicted to companionship.

Origin, Culture, and Family


Place of Origin: Muri Taka.
Tribe: Xoya
Position: Civilian Magicographer
Language: Xoyan, Universal, Arretiz, a little bit of Kenarun at one time...
Home: He currently lives on Layrian, near the Volcano.
Parents: Mother - Kendra
Father - Thomas
Siblings: None, but his friends were close enough...
Relatives: None of great importance.
Mate: None...
Offspring: None.
History: Nathar grew up fascinated with magic and all things to do with it. He would leave his parents early and study magic wherever he could. He wanted to learn about everything dealing with the magical realm, this lead to him discovering the concept of fusions, the ability to fuse oneself with an exorbitant amount of magical energy to gain magical capacity and power. He would spend several decades perfecting a process that would allow the user to have nearly limitless magical capacity and extraordinary power. He would test the process, only to have it work perfectly... Except for the fact that so much magic being fused into him in such a short time would end up corrupting and debilitating him forever... He lost his sight in during the Incident, and ever since then a corruptive fluid drips from his eyes and maw.


Physical Appearance and Accessories


Height: 130ft
Length: 200ft
Wingspan: 286ft
Scale/Fur/Feathers: He is covered in pale violet scales that have a sickly tinge to them. The ones on his neck and underbelly are slightly darker. The scales around his eyes are much darker as a result of being incredibly sleep deprived, and the ones around his maw are cracked. Sometimes his scales snap apart where they overlap and this causes bleeding.
Eyes: His once electric blue eyes are now bloodshot and are a very dark shade of blue, bordering on black.
Accessories: He wears an anklet given to him by one of his greatest friends, he probably wouldn't take it off unless it was life or death...
Armor: None.
Horns/Spikes: He has thin, sharp spines along his back that he can raise, sort of like wolves hackles. He has six horns protruding from the back of his skull. They curl in a half-corkscrew pattern once before curling up slightly.
Overall Appearance: He is a western dragon with four wings instead of two. The back two are smaller, but they allow for faster aerial movement. He is very thin and has a look that gives the impression of his being starved. He no longer feeds like normal dragons, but instead he gains energy from the magical energy in the area and beings around him. He is constantly hunched over in pain as if he's being beaten with whips. The membranes of his wings are thin and could tear relatively easily. He is large but slim, so with his wings outstreched he looks massive, but with them curled in he looks smaller than normal. His ribcage and other bones can be seen as a result of his starved appearance.


Abilities and Strengths


Abilities: Power of the Corrupted: He can spew a blackish corruptive liquid that has the consistency of blood and the texture of an oil spill. This liquid causes corrosive burns, deformities, and has an extremely cold temperature. This attack is mostly used as a defense and can only reach around 15 feet at most. The burns can be cared for like burns from dragon fire or acid. They will heal over time, like any injury, but if it burns deep enough it can leave scarring.
Magical Siphoning: He siphons magical energy from the environment and beings around him inadvertently. He cannot control this and it happens constantly. This can weaken other beings, but most often the most it will do is cause a slight feeling of nausea. It may have a stronger effect on energy sensitive dragons. The amount of magical energy that he contains may also have negative effects on energy sensitive dragons. These include, but are not limited to: nausea, weakness, and for extremely sensitive dragons a feverish state.
Fused: As a result of his fusion with an extreme amount of magic, he has nearly limitless magical energy, and his magic has stronger effects for better or worse.

Strengths: Fused: As mentioned in abilities.
Magical Siphoning: He no longer needs to eat or drink.
Weaknesses: Corrupted: He is very weak physically, and a strong punch or tail whack to the right areas can easily break bones.
Blind: He cannot see, and until the Incident he was able to see perfectly.
Shattered One: His fragmented mind can manipulate him to follow strong emotions and desires without his own control.
Past: He was responsible for the death of all of his closest friends... This guilt will follow him forever.

Fighting Style: He will use his magical abilities to utterly destroy his opponents in the most painful way possible as fast as possible. A normal magic user can take him on, but it will be much more difficult than having a companion. A non-magic user will have a much easier time with him. If they hit him before he gets a shield up or after his shield goes down they can easily kill or maim him.
Magic: Defensive Special Abilities:
Shielding: He can create strong shields. The shields last for up to a minute of a dragon's strongest breath attack, and they can take up to 10 full strength physical attacks of any kind. His shields also keep him from leaving as they encase him in a bubble like shield.

Illusions: He can form incredibly real illusions and the only way to tell that you'd be talking to one is when they flicker or shimmer. He usually tries to use these illusions to hide his deformed and horrifying body from others. Illusions can also be used to strike fear into others and to hide him in even the most dire situations. These illusions only affect the sense of sight. They usually last for 3 posts when being projected at full strength, but if he's not focused on making them look real they can last longer(up to 5 posts), but will have more flaws. This will make them more recognizable even to non magic users. Illusions affect all who are looking a them and act more like a 3D projector than anything. They are not physical objects and can be passed through by physical beings, and they do not frighten the viewer unless the viewer is afraid of what is being projected. His illusions can be kept up to 300 feet away from any point on his body, so he has to be relatively close, but could still be hiding around a corner or something. He can also create illusions of the scenery, but he rarely has a use for these illusions aside from hiding his appearance. Also, him being without sight makes it harder for him to form illusions as their form comes from his imagination, as he'd see it in his mind.

Offensive Special Abilities: His offensive magical abilities are extremely powerful and allow him to conjure and control elements, and manipulate non-living matter. His elemental attacks can be controlled by another elemental magic user using the same element. If he happens to be using different elements in combination either element could be removed from his control by a dragon using the same type of elemental magic. So in order to completely stop him from using all elemental magic you'd need to have one dragon for each element, but he cannot use multiple elements to string together attacks. He can only use one attack at once, and he can only combine three elements into an attack. So he could do a burst of wind(air element) with ice spikes(water element) whistling through it, or he could raise up rocks from the ground(earth element) and have them burst into flames on impact(fire element). He has control of all four main elements (Fire, Earth, Air, Water.), but he also controls Twilight and some part of Corruptive magic. These can be very powerful, and very dangerous. Twilight is a combination of dark and light, a half-light that is said to transcend between a mirrored world where the normal laws of the universe can be twisted or broken. This allows him to summon things from the Twilit World. His corruptive magic generally twists and warps whatever it touches both mentally and physically. It is a danger to both himself and others, so he uses it as little as possible.


Last edited by Nathar on Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:10 pm; edited 5 times in total

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Re: Nathar, the Shattered One

Post by Nathar on Mon Aug 07, 2017 9:15 am

Bump.

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Re: Nathar, the Shattered One

Post by Artemise on Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:56 pm

So you finally got around to making your app(...s?) ^w^

Abilities -
Power of the Corrupted: Um, you mentioned this twice: Once in abilities, and once in magic. So is it magic or an ability? I suggest combining them both in a particular section of your app.

Anyway, 'He can spew a blackish corruptive liquid that has the consistency of blood and the texture of an oil spill. This liquid causes corrosive burns, deformities, and has an extremely cold temperature.' -> Seeing that the effects are quite strong, is there a way to counter this, like... I dunno, cure the burns? And how far can it reach?

Magic -
First things first. Break those abilities up into paragraphs.

Illusions: -> How many illusions can he make at one time, and how far can they be projected before he can't control them anymore? Can he create not only illusions of physical objects like stones and dragons, but also of the scenery?

Offensive Special Abilities: -> Even having your character with crippling weaknesses, this is way too OP, being able to control all the elements. Choose two or three, and state out some examples of what they can do. Also, non-organic matter? What?

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Re: Nathar, the Shattered One

Post by Nathar on Sun Aug 13, 2017 9:40 am

Ok, so, I edited the Power of the Corrupted ability to give it a range of 15ft and said that the burns could be treated and healed like normal burns.

He can only form illusions within a 300ft radius of any point on his body, he can create illusions of scenery, but the loss of his sight makes it harder for him to place illusions super accurately.

He can control and use all the elements, but he can only use and control three at one time. His attacks can be turned against him by dragons using the same elements, and his accuracy is bad because he lost his sight.

Will edit further if needed.

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Re: Nathar, the Shattered One

Post by Artemise on Sun Aug 13, 2017 11:32 pm

Being in control of all the elements. Still a no.
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Re: Nathar, the Shattered One

Post by Nathar on Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:34 pm

I edited the specific elements he can control. Six in total, and only partial for the last two (Twilight and Corruptive.)

I have a feeling I'll need to elaborate on them, but I just need the specifics. Thanks for the help, sorry I took so long.

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Re: Nathar, the Shattered One

Post by Artemise on Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:45 pm

Your character is very OP. Still a no.

Because besides these six elements, your character...

- Can make 'incredibly real' illusions
- Is able to use Corrupted and Twilight magic that allow him to 'twist and warp' whatever being it comes in contact with, and summon some thing from the 'Twilit world' -> if you want to keep this ability, elaborate. What can he summon? What do you mean by twist and warp? How to defend oneself against this?
- Can spew some corruptive acid that can cause deformities, etc
- Can siphon magical energy from others?
- Has limitless magical energy
- does not need to eat or drink

And your weaknesses are...

- Very weak physically.
- Blind
- Impulsive
- Guilt, which isn't even a combat-related weakness.

Yes, your weaknesses are crippling and all, but your strengths are op, no matter how I look at it.

So I advise you to take away some abilities (either the illusions or the elements, including Twilight and Corruptive magic).

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