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killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

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killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:44 pm

Personality and the Basics


Name: Killie.
Gender: Male
Type: western dragon
Species: fire Dragon
Age: 23
Date of Birth: 12/feb/1993
Personality:He is someone who is a bit shy of his past and doesn't really like to talk about it. He does not want to be laughed at or get himself killed. He is also really bad at keeping secrets. He is social enough, he sometimes freaks out if he needs to perform in front of others with tricks he doesn't know. After what happened to him in the past he is trying to fit in.
Hobbies: flying and fire traininge
Likes:  fooling others, and adventure, even if it's dangerous beinge around ohters
Dislikes: struggle bullies war traps
Fears: that ohter dragon will not accept him that he is a intruder beinge killed ghosts



Origin, Culture, and Family


Place of Origin: human villige or house in layrian (i hope it's not a problem)
Tribe: rogue
Position: n/a
Language:Common Language
Home: human villige Deepwald villige (even know he can never return there)
Parents: Leon and Kyrstin (used name ganerator)
Siblings: n/a
Relatives: no
Mate: no
Offspring: no
History: He was born like a human and also raised like one one day he wandered of on his own getting in a place he should never come he comes in a
laboratory where the are working on a secret project it was a drink he drink from it and chanced into a dragon he was just lucky do escape but his form would stay this was
Never do return do his village from that day he got lost he don't know any of his new abilities yet and is pretty scared continue in rp



Physical Appearance and Accessories


Height: 30.5 feet
Length: 60 feet
Wingspan: 40.7 feet
Scale/Fur/Feathers: a blue body with a red chest blade and wings
Eyes: red
Accessories: n/a
Armor: n/a
Horns/Spikes: horn on his head
Overall a big dragon who has a sharp tail he has four legs wings and a head with there on some horns



Abilities and Strengths


Abilities: Fire balls, Fire breath, and covering yourself with fire
Strengths: fire proof
Weaknesses: even know his dragon body gave him a good stragnth lots of his weaknesses remain intackt like bullets blades or somthing alse but if he goes into the water he can't use his fire abilities for a while
Fighting Style: mostly rushing in without thinking make a lot of use from fire abilities but only does it do crimanels tries do stay in renge most of the time but it will not Always work what leaves in claw do claw combat or arial fights
Magic: he i no magic weilder


with the help of neru thanks neru bechouse i had trouble writh santaces
i write it he set the santaces thanks neru hugs neru


Last edited by Primalus on Wed Oct 26, 2016 5:16 pm; edited 39 times in total (Reason for editing : where do i start)
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Oculus on Fri Oct 21, 2016 7:34 am

Can you try to expand your personali to 5 sentences? Also, can you be more specific with your ability of Fire?
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Fri Oct 21, 2016 9:09 am

Oculus wrote:Can you try to expand your personali to 5 sentences?  Also, can you be more specific with your ability of Fire?

i messed up again
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Oculus on Fri Oct 21, 2016 9:11 am

No you didn't, just need to make changes, just click the edit button up top near the title, then make the changes ^.^

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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Fri Oct 21, 2016 9:21 am

Oculus wrote:No you didn't, just need to make changes, just click the edit button up top near the title, then make the changes ^.^


chanced it but i guas i still messed up
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Oculus on Fri Oct 21, 2016 5:42 pm

You need to write five sentences for your personality.
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Fri Oct 21, 2016 7:15 pm

Oculus wrote:You need to write five sentences for your personality.

i don't wanne chance it again i was never good in disscriping personallity
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Oculus on Fri Oct 21, 2016 8:10 pm

Just describe your character to yourself in Dutch, making sure it is 5 sentences. Then you can translate those 5 sentences to the best of your ability, and use translators if needed. ^^
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Ink on Fri Oct 21, 2016 8:35 pm

I know I'm not a staff member, but I think I can help! If you're having trouble describing the personality, I recommend answering a few simple questions about how your dragon acts.
1. How do they treat other dragons? (Are they kind, cruel, caring, uncaring?)
2. Can they speak to dragons they don't know very well? (Are they shy? Are they talkative? Is it hard or is it easy?)
3. Are they easily angered, frightened, or upset? (Do they get mad easily? Are they easily scared? Do they become sad quickly?)
4. Do they have any weird things about them? (Is there anything strange they love to do? Does anything make them uncomfortable?)
5. Do they have a sense of humor? (What makes them laugh or smile? Do they like to tell jokes?)
6. Anything extra that you feel is important! I'm sure I didn't cover everything!
So yeah. And, if you answer each question in a sentence, your done with the personality section!

So... yeah. Hope that helped!

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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Fri Oct 21, 2016 10:38 pm

Ink wrote:I know I'm not a staff member, but I think I can help! If you're having trouble describing the personality, I recommend answering a few simple questions about how your dragon acts.
1. How do they treat other dragons? (Are they kind, cruel, caring, uncaring?)
2. Can they speak to dragons they don't know very well? (Are they shy? Are they talkative? Is it hard or is it easy?)
3. Are they easily angered, frightened, or upset? (Do they get mad easily? Are they easily scared? Do they become sad quickly?)
4. Do they have any weird things about them? (Is there anything strange they love to do? Does anything make them uncomfortable?)
5. Do they have a sense of humor? (What makes them laugh or smile? Do they like to tell jokes?)
6. Anything extra that you feel is important! I'm sure I didn't cover everything!
So yeah. And, if you answer each question in a sentence, your done with the personality section!

So... yeah. Hope that helped!

1.kind trying do make new freinds
2.well kinde shy it realy hard for him do fit in
3.uncomfortable for having a new body actualy
4.kinde angered easely
5.somtimes if it is weird enouge
6.don't know
4and3 are mixed but here are the answers on your quastoins Neutral
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Fri Oct 21, 2016 10:39 pm

Oculus wrote:Just describe your character to yourself in Dutch, making sure it is 5 sentences.  Then you can translate those 5 sentences to the best of your ability, and use translators if needed. ^^
i thit a quas with somoene
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Oculus on Fri Oct 21, 2016 10:46 pm

Ok!  So take your answers, and turn them into sentences and put it in the personality area, and all will be good! ^^
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Fri Oct 21, 2016 11:13 pm

Oculus wrote:Ok!  So take your answers, and turn them into sentences and put it in the personality area, and all will be good! ^^
done
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Neru on Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:41 pm

Hello! I'm Neru, and I'll be taking over checking your app with Oculus' lovely permission. From what I've been told, I understand that your natural language is Dutch and that English is your second language. I also understand English is a very hard language, so bear with me, okay? I'm going to run off of the assumption that you know very little of this language, not because I feel that you don't know it, but because it will make it easier for me to check it! Nothing I say is meant as a personal attack against you. <3 I'm going to quote your app below, and then write in red the corrections you need to make.

killie wrote:Personality and the Basics
Name: killie Okay, simple fix! In English, all proper nouns, such as names, are capitalized. For example, killie needs to be Killie.
Gender: mele Another simple fix!! This word would be spelled "Male", not mele.
Type: western This is actually the location that you would put "Western Dragon". The type is what sort of draconiforme (or dragon-like creature) it is, such as a Western Dragon, or a Wyvern, or a Lindwurm.
Species: Western Dragon Just as a note, this is for the breed of the type. For example, Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon is a Western Dragon in type, but a Night Fury in species.
Age: 23
Date of Birth: 12/fab/1993 Though it'd be excellent if it were true, "fab" isn't a month. I'm assuming you mean February, which is abbreviated, or shortened, to "Feb".
Personality: he is kinde shocked what happent do him he will be like that all his life now anything he has gone trouge is kinde lost he doesn't know what to do next he kinde luages ad jokes and afraid do imparresise hmself in front of ohter dragons he is a happy dragon who loves danger but is also angered pretty easy Always trying do be the heo brings him into trouble somtimes
senteches of personality
1.Like Killie is a kind dragon, who likes to help others
2.nervous around others
3.he likes to tell jokes but doesn't get jokes when someone else says them
4.he gets easily angered, and will fight the one that angers him
5.somtimes sad somtimes happy
Okay, so to start with, I want you to take this to this website (click the link) and paste it into the box. The website will help you correct your spelling mistakes. In terms of the sentences, Oculus and Ink didn't mean make a list. Take each of those points and turn it into a paragraph. As for the top of your personality, which is in paragraph form, you need to separate it into sentences, using periods to differentiate where a sentence stops or begins.
Hobbies: will come up in the role play You need an actual hobby here. Saying it will come up in the roleplay makes it equal to writing nothing.
Likes: new things fooling ohters and advanture even if is dangerous This would be "New things, fooling others, and adventure, even if it's dangerous."
Dislikes: struggle bullies Assumig struggle and bullies are 2, you're still one short. You need 3 dislikes to meet the requirement.
Fears: that ohter dragon will not accept him that he is a intruder Again, you need at least 2 to meet the requirement. What you have now would be "That other dragons would not accept him because he is an intruder."



Origin, Culture, and Family


Place of Origin: human villige or house What continent is this on? What general area? Village is the correct spelling ^>^
Tribe: rogue
Position: n/a
Language: englise You'd be speaking the Common Language, as it's called in character. English may be what we type, but it's not what they speak, if that makes sense. If it doesn't, feel free to ask me to clarify.
Home: human villige can never return "village" is the correct spelling. As well as this, 'human village can never return' makes no sense. It sounds as if the village's name is "Can Never Return". Maybe try "A human village to which he can never return"?
Parents: mom and dad Well yes, of course it's a mother and father. What the question is here is their names. If he doesn't know their names, feel free to put 'Unknown'.
Siblings: n/a
Relatives: no
Mate: no
Offspring: no
History: he was born like a human and also raised like one one day he wandered of on his own getting in a place he should never come he comes in a
labratory where the are working on a secret project it was a drink he drink from it and chanced int a dragon he was just luky do escape but his form would stay this was
never do return do his villige from that day he got lost he don't know any of his new abilities yet and is pretty scared continue in rp Remember the site I linked up in your personality? Use it again here. Otherwise this is just fine.



Physical Appearance and Accessories


Height: 30.5 feet
Length: 60 feet
Wingspan: 40.7 feet
Scale/Fur/Feathers: blue with some red Try describing exactly where on his body the blue is, and where on his body the red is.
Eyes: red
Accessories: n/a
Armor: n/a
Horns/Spikes: horn on his head
Overall Appearance: a sharp tail You're supposed to describe his entire body here. Saying simeply "a sharp tail" tells me that your character is just one big sharp tail, rather than a dragon. Describe him. What does he look like?



Abilities and Strengths


Abilities: lot's of fire abilities like breathing fire firebals and fire manipulatoin just as long that it is fire Misspellings are "fireballs" and "manipulation", I've used the correct spellings. As for abilities, I need you to make a clear list of abilities, which each one described to tell us exactly what it does.
Strengths: fire proof
Weaknesses: a lot kinde "A lot kinde" isn't a weakness. You need 2 weaknesses, each clearly described.
Fighting Style: mostly rushing in witout thinking make a lot of use from fire abilities but only does it do safe poeple You've misspelled "without" and "people". As well as this, the last part of the sentence makes little sense. He only uses his fire on safe people? He tortures them? Does he not attack other dragons? Remember what the template says here: "How do they fight? Are they aerial combatants? Long ranged, short ranged, magic wielders, barbaric fighters?" Try  to answer all of that.
Magic: n/a

Again, you haven't messed up, you're not bad. I'm just trying to help you fix this so that you can get to roleplaying ^>^
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Mon Oct 24, 2016 10:40 am

i know but i'm terrible ad this stuff ok sry if it's not correect sry that i can't make you happy i just wantet a dragon and no he is not a nightfury i don't feel preciated Sad
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Neru on Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:52 pm

I can't accept your app without you having made those changes. I'm not saying he is a Night Fury, I was using that as an example. I'm sorry you don't feel appreciated, but unless you make those changes, you can't RP. Everybody has to follow the same rules, we don't change them or make exceptions.
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Mon Oct 24, 2016 7:32 pm

is fire dragon good then?
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Neru on Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:19 am

That's just fine.
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Tue Oct 25, 2016 2:12 am

how do i make it so he can be used for RP becouse i realy want do

who am i joking i will never get it rready
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Neru on Tue Oct 25, 2016 5:45 pm

Again, make the chances I specified 2 posts above.
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Tue Oct 25, 2016 7:16 pm

chance the things it does not feel it is mine anymore you just say make sentaces but i don't get anything do be showen of what to do only critizezam and no help thats what i get here
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Neru on Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:00 pm

The only thing I've told you directly to put are things that you wrote yourself, but with correct spelling or grammar. I'm not forcing you to do anything. It's your own app, just make it so that it applies to the rules. Everybody else does it. All the changes I specified aren't even changes to your character, but simple changes to the app itself. Mostly giving us MORE information, which doesn't change your character unless you really just don't know him at all, in which case yes, you'd have to deepen his personality. I've been trying to help you, but if you refuse to change your app, there's absolutely nothing I, nor any other mod or admin, can do for you here.
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:07 pm

i'm sry i try do get it right but nohting seens do apply do the rules i'm realy trying but i never get it rigt sry for beinge rude but it is pretty hard so it's only personallity i need do chance or is there also somthing alse?
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by Neru on Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:12 pm

Okay, so remember the post up there , where I took your post and wrote on it with red letters? All the red letters are things I want you to change. Most of it is very simple, just changing the spelling or grammar of something so that it's understandable. We want all English speakers to understand your app, so that everybody can have fun roleplaying with you. So try to start changing the things I specified there. It's okay if you don't understand what I mean on some parts, just ask me if it doesn't make sense. I'll help you.
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Re: killie the blue dragon (needs approvel(5/5)

Post by killie on Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:55 pm

[quote="killie"]Personality and the Basics


Name: Killie.
Gender: Male
Type: western dragon
Species: fire Dragon
Age: 23
Date of Birth: 12/feb/1993
Personality:He is someone who is a bit shy of his past and doesn't really like to talk about it. He does not want to be laughed at or get himself killed. He is also really bad at keeping secrets. He is social enough, he sometimes freaks out if he needs to perform in front of others with tricks he doesn't know. After what happened to him in the past he is trying to fit in.
Hobbies: flying and fire traininge
Likes:  fooling others, and adventure, even if it's dangerous beinge around ohters
Dislikes: struggle bullies war traps
Fears: that ohter dragon will not accept him that he is a intruder beinge killed ghosts



Origin, Culture, and Family


Place of Origin: human villige or house in layrian (i hope it's not a problem)
Tribe: rogue
Position: n/a
Language: English
Home: human villige Deepwald villige (even know he can never return there)
Parents: Leon and Kyrstin (used name ganerator)
Siblings: n/a
Relatives: no
Mate: no
Offspring: no
History: He was born like a human and also raised like one one day he wandered of on his own getting in a place he should never come he comes in a
laboratory where the are working on a secret project it was a drink he drink from it and chanced into a dragon he was just lucky do escape but his form would stay this was
Never do return do his village from that day he got lost he don't know any of his new abilities yet and is pretty scared continue in rp



Physical Appearance and Accessories


Height: 30.5 feet
Length: 60 feet
Wingspan: 40.7 feet
Scale/Fur/Feathers: a blue body with a red chest blade and wings
Eyes: red
Accessories: n/a
Armor: n/a
Horns/Spikes: horn on his head
Overall a big dragon who has a sharp tail he has four legs wings and a head with there on some horns



Abilities and Strengths


Abilities: lot's of fire abilities like breathing fire fireballs and fire manipulation he can control the fire itself and dicides what it does just as long that it is fire
Strengths: fire proof
Weaknesses: even know his dragon body gave him a good stragnth lots of his weaknesses remain intackt like bullets blades or somthing alse but if he goes into the water he can't use his fire abilities for a while
Fighting Style: mostly rushing in without thinking make a lot of use from fire abilities but only does it do crimanels tries do stay in renge most of the time but it will not Always work what leaves in claw do claw combat or arial fights
Magic: he i no magic weilder

explain abilities why am i so bad ad explaining stuff and sentaces?
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