Arrazilla [bump]

Name: Arrazilla
Pronunciation: Ar-ra-zi-lla
Gender: Female
Type: Western dragon
Species: Red dragon
Age: 35
Date of Birth: 16 October
Personality: She is kind, like telling jokes and makes pranks from time to time, she’s happy almost all the time. When in mood, she's flirty and very affectionate, giving someone she will fall in love with a lot of attention. In battle she's harsh and rarely responsible, losing herself in the sound of battle, but still paying attention to the surroundings, knowing what is happening around her and when is a good time to attack or leave. As a mercenary she cared only about herself, but that changed when she leave them. Overall she's kind, mostly happy, hard to get mad, but also lovely and cheerful.
Hobbies: She enjoys reading books, talking with others, flying and spar. When she can’t do any of those things, she just enjoys moments of silence, rolling around and resting.
Likes: Bravery, kindness, truth, secrets, conversations, flying, fighting, resting, reading, good food, water
Dislikes: Cowards, laziness, liars, raw food, mud, thunderstorms, wasting time
Fears: Powerful magic, becoming insane, being forgotten
Quote: “Get angry? What does it mean?”






Place of Origin: Outlying Ki’sha desert village
Tribe: Rogue
Position: Rogue mercenary/assassin
Language: Universal
Home: Traveling all the time
Parents: Rouge (Mother, dead) Char (Father, dead) Both from Ki’sha tribe, no one important
Siblings: None
Relatives: None
Mate: None
Offspring: None
History: Her parents leave her in the desert as hatchling. They didn't want to have her and decided to let her die there, far away from any kind of civilization, so no one can connect them with her. She survives 6 years without help, but then a group of mercenaries, not bound to any tribe, find her and take to their ranks. With proper training, she was raised to become a quite useful tool. Her combat training was harsh, including dodging throwing knives and swords at the same time, but that turns out into her incredible agility. She was the best one in her group and most loyal one until one mission. That one was to assassinate her parents. Even when she didn't like them, they were her parents after all. She goes on it with her group, but her intentions are different, she wants to save them, whatever the cost. They've got to her formal home, but she gets there too late. Her parents were already dead. She used her training and killed all mercs, betraying people who raised her and giving her at least some care. She takes what she can and hides on familiar ground, deep into the desert, near a very small oasis, hiding. Spend a few years there before she becomes a traveling assassin. Her renown helps her to find the most skilled assassin and convince them to teach her how to become one. That’s how she spent ten years, training and completing assassination contracts throughout the entire world. She doesn't feel bonded to any tribe, just working for the one who was paying the best. Traveling from tribe to tribe, taking jobs and just live to survive another day.




Height: 26ft
Length: 44ft
Wingspan: 64ft
Scale/Fur/Feathers: Bright red scales on top, black underbelly divided with yellow line along her sides.
Eyes: Blue
Accessories: Small, enchanted traveling bag (Bag is enchanted to carry more items, making her able to hold glass bottles with poisons, food and water in it, without too much weight)
Horns/Spikes: Two horns on top of her head, between her ears, poking behind her. A fin starting from the top of her head and ending with the end of her neck.
Overall Appearance: https://imgshare.io/image/skywing2.pdrijK



Abilities:
Shadowcloak - As an assassin, she learned how to use shadows on her advantage. She can become a one with shadows, making herself harder to detect, making her scales change colour slightly to match the surroundings. but only at night. Still someone can bump into her. Don’t work during day

Strengths:
Agile
Intelligence
Resitant to mind spells
Poisons - Her knowledge let her to brew poisons. Mostly using potions that paralyze (2 "turns" or 2 posts) target and inflict pain, but is also able to brew poisons that can burn target where is slashed or make even more potent poisons. They can be used on her claws (in hand-to-hand combat too) or to poison enemies in a standard way (Through food or water)
Pain slash - Her claws are the most powerful weapon she has. When she sneaks behind unalerted enemy, she deliver a blow that is more painfull than the others (only when undetected and sneaking). During normal fights, they can through the scales(1 inch scales max), making the target bleed badly. If target is better armored, she can use poisons on them, to just inflict pain and probably make target unconscious from it (Works like pralyze form poisons). Can use all her poisons on them
Weaknesses:
Fragile body (both bones and scales. If hit damage is increased by 50%, easier to get serious wounds)
Low strength (-15% damage)
Not too patient (don't like talk too much before action, quickly making decisions that not exactly good for anyone)
Not taking criticism well
Critical of others
Taking too much on her shoulders (even when she already have much stuff to do, she takes more, just to show everyone that they can count on her, making her go without sleep several days and exhaust her pretty much)
Fighting Style: She’s trying to kill the enemy quietly and from shadows with a throwing knifes or her claws. In close combat, she’s trying to distract the enemy and go for a throat kill to kill the weaker enemies or legs to knock down stronger ones, then cut their weak spots.
Magic: None

So i've read over your app and I have a couple of things of note to mention.

Age: This isn't too much of an issue, but western dragons can live up to 3500 years. Feel free to add the dragon equivalent of her age if you like.

Fears: The two fears other than death are perfect! The fear of death is a universal fear everyone has. So it does not count.

Siblings: You mention in her Personality that she has a brother, but you didn't list anything here. It's not an issue, I just wanted to bring it to your attention incase you may have just missed it.

History: In here you mention she has incredible speed, almost like teleporting. Just to clarify, is she teleporting or not? If she is incredibly fast, how long can she hold that up?

Accessories: The small enchanted bag, can you explain what enchantment this has?

Abilities:

Dead slash: Instant killing is not allowed, please change this portion of the ability.
Also, can you explain the slashing deep bit? Is this dependant on the enemy she faces? Or do her claws just cut through regardless?

Poisons: Please explain these poisons in detail and how potent these are. Do they just cause pain? Or do they kill? If they do this would require the permission of the other person in order for that to happen.
Also Is there a drawback from her using these poisons in battle?



Please reply with a bump to this post when the changes are made and ping us in the app grading requests channel in discord

Apologies for the wait, I've looked over the app again and I have only a couple things to mention.


Dead Slash: You still have the one hit kill in the ability, One hit kills are absolutely not allowed in any aspect. Either from the front, back, side or in a surprise attack they are not allowed, so please remove the one hit kill aspect of the ability.
Instant killing is not allowed

Poisons: The poison that renders someone paralyzed forever is not allowed, please remove it. Could you also explain how long the regular paralyzing poisons work? How long do those last? Do they Just affect the local region where they have been cut? Or do they slow the whole body? Does it take more than one or two turns for it to take effect?

(please keep in mind that if the paralyzing poison renders them unable to move completely, in other words unable to retaliate in the rp. Then I cannot allow it through.)


PM me in discord when the edits have been made.

Changed

Personality and the Basics

Pronunciation: Is "Arra" her nickname? If you could give us the pronunciation of her full name, that'd be much appreciated!


Abilities and Strengths

Abilities:
Right, so- Your abilities look more like they should be strengths. The abilities section is for things like fire breath, camouflage scales, night vision, etc... Things your character can do because of something biological. The only thing that could really be an ability here is "Shadowcloak", and even then, becoming "one with the shadows" would be more of a magical thing rather than a biological thing.

Shadowcloak - What do you mean by "become one with shadows"? Does she become ghost-like, and harder to hit? Or do you just mean that she's super stealthy? If she's just stealthy, this needs to be listed under strengths, and if she can turn into shadows, that would be a type of magic.

Poisons - You mention paralyzing poisons, how long are the victims paralyzed for? Please put this in post limits! (i.e "wears off after 2 posts" or something like that)

Pain slash and poisons would go under strengths, and you already have agility listed as a strength, so you're at least good on that count.

Strengths:
What's the difference between intelligence and clear thinking? If they mean different things to you, please elaborate, otherwise they can probably just be combined into one strength.

Weaknesses:
How is her body fragile? Please specify! Having fragile bones is very different from having fragile scales.

Mediocre strength isn't a weakness, that's just average. You'll have to replace this one! If you want it to count, you'll have to say she's really physically weak, or something along the lines of that.

Not resistant to magic isn't a weakness either, that's also just normal. For it to count as a weakness, it'll have to actually be something she's weak to.

How does her being impatient affect her? AKA, how is it a weakness? Does it make her rush into combat? Does it make her make unwise decisions? Elaborate on how this weakness applies please!


All in all, it's a good application! But you've still got some things to fix, and some things to move around. Bump when edits are made!!

bump

Personality and the Basics

Pronunciation: Is "Arra" her nickname? If it is, could you give us the pronunciation of her full name please? (i.e. Air-a-zill-a or something like that, if that's how her full name is supposed to pronounced)

Abilities and Strengths

Abilities:
Pretty much good here! But I think there was a lil bit of confusion: When I said you were "all good" on the agility count, I meant that you already had it as a strength, and didn't have to write a new strength for it. It should only be under strengths, not under abilities. Apologies for the confusion!

Weaknesses:
How does "taking too much on her shoulders" affect her? Does do these things she takes on keep her up at night? Does it make her more tired, grumpy, or otherwise exhausted? Or- in other words- how is it a weakness?


Just a couple more things to fix, but after this you should be good! Bump when edited!!

Bump

Abilities and Strengths

Abilities:
Pretty much good here! But I think there was a bit of confusion: When I said you were "all good" on the agility count, I meant that you already had it as a strength, and didn't have to write a new strength for it. It should only be under strengths, not under abilities, so you need to remove "agility" from your abilities.

Apologies for the confusion!


Very last thing before you're approved!

bump