orokinforge (rebump)

Personality and the Basics



Name: orokinforge
Pronunciation: he / him
Gender: male
Type: western dragon  
Species: crystal dracionoid
Age: 220
Date of Birth: 1/ 20 / 1999
Personality: He is slow to anger but when he does explode his body temperature increases, and it is an extreme hot anger. He is easily depressed and berates himself daily for things he cannot control. He is extremely anxious and will become physically unwell when nervous, even puking. He is also insane, bloodthirsty, and violent, and is paranoid of everything. He likes a good sleep and is generally rather lazy. He does not fare well in large crowds and reacts badly to loud noises.
Hobbies: likes experimenting with crystals and magic also like to see new environments from time to time
Likes: caves and natural formed crystals likes to sleep and experiment with his magic
Dislikes: squids after being attacked by one in his
hatchling years. Loud sounds. And crowds.and having sleep interrupted
Fears: squids and the abyss
Quote: a monster was a normal dragon once




Origin, Culture, and Family



Place of Origin: unknown but hatched in layrian
Tribe: rouge
Position: n/a  
Language: universal
Home: caves hidden beneath alpine mountains
Parents: unknown
Siblings: n/a
Relatives: n/a
Mate: n/a
Offspring: n/a
History: he hatched on a beach with no one around or anything around he was alone at the start but he learned how to survive fast after many years hiding away from other dragons and or other species he learned how to speak by spying on other dragons




Physical Appearance and Accessories



Height: 32 feet
Length: 60 feet
Wingspan:  80 feet
Scale/Fur/Feathers: scales made out of harden crystal that formed over the 220 years he has been alive
Eyes: blue
Accessories:  
Horns/Spikes: 4 back ward horns on his head and a spear like tail end
Overall Appearance: is mostly a crystal blue in color but that depends on the minerals in surrounding area  

Diet:can eat stone and metal and crystalline  rocks and meat

Abilities and Strengths

Strengths: large size and great digger and crystal magic proficiency and battle tactics

Breath attack:can fire hundreds of sharp shard of crystals at his opponents to cause bleeding serrations  or to puncture scales and hides take 4 turns to recharged to use again (max namuber of shards is a hundred  but can be burst fired to control the number used)
Abilities: Types of crystals:
Battery/energy/mana Crystals: Storage for mana, able to absorb energy for storage.
Normal Crystal: Basic rock that can be formed, nothing special.
Gems: Nothing paricularly special about them. Just normal gemstones. Mostly has the same quality and form of normal crystals.

Range: 40ft

It absorbs mana from dragons with their permission and any object in the environment that produces mana.

Dimensions: 50ft tall, 20 ft wide

At the age of 600, he can be given a title by others once his magic is widely enough recognised. His magic will evolve  to match the first title.The evolution process is a painful process, both physically and mentally once done it cant happen again or infinitely make him stronger it a once and done deal needed drake to of it existence is aroundto 50 (can be npc to)
Weaknesses: ultra-high frenqce sound that disrupts his crystallin scales and abilities and squids he freezez when he sees one and acids that could dissolve his crystal scales and high grade explosives' can break his scales and take chunks out of his body when hit . is bad with big crowed. has weakness to blunt attacks
Fighting Style: has clam and collective but when he is enraged, he loses all sense of mind and becomes a unyielding berserker (will attack everything as mind is lost in haze of anger keeps attacking till what made him mad is dead or exhaustion kicks in)
Magic: crystal control and crystal manipulation

Good day/evening,

I've looked over the character app and there are some things you need to work on more.

Could you specify what the general abilities are, as it sits right now. (Not saying you would) But by just saying crystal powers in general it becomes too broad and would allow for an unfair advantage.

With weaknesses you must have one more weakness than strength, ultra-high frequency sounds that disrupts his crystallin scales and abilities This looks like a single weakness rather than two different ones, meaning you need two more weaknesses to have enough.

Adding to what i said before about the crystal powers in general, if you go into more detail with the abilities it'll allow you to come up with weaknesses to go along with them.

Once you have made these changes please post "Bump" and ping us in the app grading requests channel in discord.

Personality and the Basics

Age: Is your character a hatchling? The rest of the app makes it appear he is an adult. While this isn't a major issue. Could you please add the dragon equivalent age? Western dragons can live up to 3500 years.

Personality: You need least 5 sentences for this.

Likes: You need at least 3.

Dislikes:You need at least 3.

Fears: You need at least 2.

Origin, Culture, and Family

Language: Draconic and English do not exist in this world. Universal is the general language shared by all tribes.

History: I noticed you mentioned a two legged race, if you're referring to humans I will inform you that they do not exist in this world.


Physical Appearance and Accessories


Abilities: Please clearly define what his abilities are, as i'll mention below, his magic cannot be considered as an ability. For his breath attack, the same applies. Please go into more detail as to what it is and what it can do.


Magic: To form and have control over crystals is considered magic, not an ability. It you can list it Under magic and explain what he can do with this magic in detail that would be great.


Once you have made these changes, please reply to this post with a "bump" and ping us in the app grading requests channel in discord.

re bumped

Personality and the Basics


Personality: What you have is a good start, but please elaborate in more detail about his personality.  

Dislikes:You need at least 3. You only have one listed here.

Fears: You need at least 2. Please choose another fear other than death, as it does not count as a fear due to it being a universal fear to all characters.



Physical Appearance and Accessories

Abilities: From what I see here he only has his breath attack as his ability? Does he have any more besides that? You can have more than one if you wish.


Magic: I will mention this again. To form and have control over crystals is considered magic, not an ability. Please change this. This includes the golem as that is considered magic and not an ability. However, under the magic section; please describe these crystal golems.

How Big are they?
What can they do?
How long do they last?
How difficult it is for him to summon them?
Ho many can he summon at a single time?


Once you have made these changes, please reply to this post with a "bump" and ping us in the app grading requests channel in discord.

Re re bump

Alright, i've read over it and here is what else needs to be fixed/liked explained more. (apologies for the wait)


Weaknesses: You need one more weakness than strengths, So if you have 4 strengths you need 5 weaknesses.

The title ability you have mentioned, when that happens does he become stronger? If so, then by how much? Is it limited to an extent or does he just get infinitely stronger the more people believe in his magic?


Fighting style: When he does go berserk does he become stronger? Does he just attack anything in a blind rage, Or does he retain some control deep down?


Once you have made the changes please bump and ping us in the App grading request channel on Discord

ok re bump

Personality and the Basics

Pronunciation: This is supposed to tell us how his name is pronounced, not his pronouns. Please tell us how to say his name!

Date of Birth: Dragon's Haven doesn't have a years system, so please take out the "1999" part! His birthday would just be January 1st.

Personality: When you say his body temperature increases, so you mean he becomes super-heated, and can hurt people with how hot his temperature becomes? If so, that would likely be an ability, and you would have to define it better.


Physical Appearance and Accessories

Accessories: Did you mean to leave this blank?


Abilities and Strengths

Strengths: You say he's a great digger, but how fast can he dig? We can't just have him digging at lightspeed or something crazy like that, so please say how fast he can go, and what he can dig through while we're at it (whether or not he can dig through stone, and other hard materials basically).

Break Attack: For the burst fire, I'm assuming it does less damage than releasing all the shards at once? Also, how many shards are released during one "burst fire"? AKA, how many times can he use the burst fire before the 4 turn cool down applies?

(All of this crystal stuff should be put under Magic)
Crystals:
Battery Crystals: How do they "absorb" energy? How long does it take to fully charge a crystal? Additionally, those sizes are WAY too big, please shrink them! Something like 20ft tall, and 5-10ft wide would be more reasonable. The range is fine, but those sizes need to be smaller.

And, while we're at it, how long does it take for him to make one of these crystals? Need limits here so that you're not just covering the entire planet in crystals in a matter of days or something ridiculous like that.

Weaknesses: You say that high frequency sound can disrupt his abilities, but how long are they disrupted for? Just until the sound is gone?

Magic:

All of your crystal magic should be put under here! And- what do you mean when you say crystal manipulation? Elaborate on what that means please!!


Bump when edits are made!