A perfect mistake (Private Neru)

There are some things that are better left unheard.

It was a quiet evening in the Etcan mountain range. The day would have been a good one. The morning light flight went well. The lightbringers had put on an incredible light show that morning, the best in years. There was an incredibly good haul hunting that day, so meat was plentiful. The weather was warm for the standards of the mountain, though it would still likely freeze most dragons in their tracks. The sun would be in the sky for yet a while still, so the dark wouldn't be an issue for a while. There weren't any notable injuries in the clan. Everything seemed to be going well. Yet...

Feluxious was looking for a quiet place to cry.

The eastern dragoness sailed through the sky with a face of stone. Her tribe was made up of many tight knit families, and her clan was one of the larger ones in the tribe. This had it's upsides, with a wider variety of resources available from their family. There was its share of downsides as well. For example, the living quarters were all in the same section of the mountain. There were only a few tunnels separating everyone. Tunnels which were prone to echoing. Echoes which others often politely ignored. Some of them were easy enough. Others required days like today. He was used to hearing things about how he shouldn't exist, that the clan was better off without him, that they should exile him... but it was a new low to hear his own father agree with them.

She landed atop the mountain she had chosen, the usual hunting grounds of the clan. The usual patrol had already gone home for the day, and none would think to look for her here. It was the perfect place to be alone. Finding a secluded clearing, a circle of pine trees covered in snow ringing it, he coiled up on a rock and let the mask he wore melt for a moment. There, he allowed himself to be vulnerable and allowed himself to start to silently cry.

Of all her differences with the others of her tribe, Neru had never quite understood their insistence to return to Dufourspitz the moment the sun touched the horizon. When the moon rose, the true hunting began, at least in her own perspective. After all, a dragon meant to camouflage with the night sky always tended to have an easier time hunting in the dark. Thus, even her Sthane had been left behind, to better allow her natural ability to disappear into the night to take effect.

Thus, by the time Feluxious arrived she was gently drifting on an uprising current, her scales blending just enough to let the blue in her scales seem almost like a part of the sky behind her. She'd long since handed her last catch to a tribemate who'd been returning to the mountain. At this point, she was waiting for a glimpse of the night hunters she knew would soon be gracing the world with their presence. Drifting closer to the trees, she narrowed her eyes, searching hopefully for a glimpse of a dappled coat slipping through the trees. Instead, she was treated with a quick glimpse of a beige color much lighter than that of the trees covering the mountain. Neru started in surprise, whipping her tail forward to slow herself and turning around, making her way back from whence she came.

When the color came into her sight once more she immediately ducked within the trees, her scales shimmering slightly before blending into the backdrop around her. She landed on the last tree available before the forest became a clearing, every movement made with care, as so not to produce unnecessary noise.

She wasn't expecting a dragon rather than a meal. A quick sniff of the air made her realize that this was a tribemate, and from there she immediately dropped her invisibility. It took her a moment more to identify who it was.

"Felux?" she asked gently, gliding to the ground and tipping her head to the side. She could tell that the Emara was in some sort of pain, though she couldn't identify what. The air didn't smell of blood, so physical injuries were out. "Are you okay?" Lowering her head into a non-threatening pose, Neru crept forward, ear flaps tight against her head.

The approach of Neru went unnoticed by Feluxious until her voice rang out, startling Feluxious and causing him to flinch.  'Mistake number one' he thought to himself, before his thoughts kicked in to overdrive. The voice identified the newcomer as the chief of the Vuari. Why they were here wasn't important at this moment, it was time for damage control. Noone was supposed to find her here, so it was time to erase the evidence that she was crying. Neru seems to already think somethings wrong, and it 'would arouse too much suspicion to convince her otherwise. I'm supposed to be strong mentally, so I'll have to try and convince her I've hurt myself physically then...' With this concluded, the orbs surrounding Feluxious briefly sprang to life, creating a minor illusion around her face to erase the tears and redness caused by her crying only moments before. With this done, she turned to face Neru.

"Oh, Neru. Fancy running in to you here. " She called out in a casual tone, one she had practice in faking. 'Mistake number two...!' The alarmed thought sounded in her head almost immediately. 'You took way too long to respond to her for such a casual greeting. In addition, that wasn't nearly as friendly as you usually are. She's going to figure out somethings up at this rate!' Her inner monologue was harsh yet fair, and in response she wore a grimace upon her face as her body curled in to a more injured stance, favoring her front left leg. "I was just flying about, looking for potential healing herbs when all of a sudden my leg cried out in unbearable pain. I was shocked and aghast, and so I've landed here to try and suss out the issue. " She kept her voice casual, but added in an undercurrent of pain. 'Mistake number three.  You overemphasized the injury. Neru cares too much about the tribe to not try and help now, and if she looks too close, the illusion might fade. Trying to convince her otherwise would simply look suspicious at this point too...' This thought caused her to visually flinch, before she recovered and looked away. 'Mistake number four. '

Throughout this series of thoughts and words, Feluxious had failed to consider disguising the tears already fallen, which had stained the rock on which she had coiled upon.

The twitch she received in reply at first confused Neru. She could understand somebody being surprised by her presence; after all, she'd been concealing it until she realized who it was in the clearing, but the twitch seemed more that of a guilty jump than a jerk of surprise. From there, it took a moment for the other draconiforme to speak. Neru waited patiently, allowing her body to slip slightly out of its position close to the ground.  Eventually, however, she did reply, albeit in a somewhat... subdued voice. Perhaps she'd been wrong? The Emara always could just be having a bad day; everybody had them sometimes. Despite what others may think, she had them as well, usually on the nights she decided to stay up later than she really ever should have. Distantly, she noted water seemed to have littered the rock, and she unconsciously checked the sky before she put too much thought into it. No, no rain. Even clouds were a bit iffy to see, at this height, save the cirrus that always came and went. Rain clouds, however, were less common. At the same time, Felux didn't seem as if she'd been crying.

Her claim of physical injury had Neru sliding further into confusion. A leg cramp? That would explain the lack of the blood smell, yes. Did it hurt her enough that she'd start to cry? Even so, it seemed she was still in pain, given the flinch she gave after finishing her sentence.

"May I see it?" she asked, making her way closer. "I'm no Emara, but I'm sure I could help in some way. Water, maybe, or aiding in getting you back to Mount Dufourspitz."

(Short post, sorry.)

The approach of Neru caused Feluxious to instinctively pull away, not wanting her to get too close. "Oh, ow, sorry, there was just a twinge of pain..." she muttered, trying to play the awkward movement off. Internally she was screaming at herself for making such a basic mistake. "And no, no... I'm an Emara aren't I? I should be able to take care of these things by myself!" she reasoned, a slight hint of desperation slipping in to her voice despite her best efforts. She tried to stand taller, attempting to  'Yeah... just like always you need to handle this by yourself. You have to be absolutely perfect or else...'

"He's an abnormality that is only ever tolerated in this clan. It's best to just ignore him when possible."

A voice from earlier in the day came rushing back to her, causing her to physically flinch, her illusion flickering briefly. It was the voice of her father. One of the only ones in her clan she had thought would stand by her. "I'm fine really!" Her voice was forceful, but it was almost pleading as she began to back away from Neru. She didn't want her to see her weakness. She couldn't let anyone see her weakness. If Neru began to doubt the illusion it would be useless. She was supposed to be untouchable...! She had to be... If not, they would just be rid of her. After all, a broken tool only serves to be replaced.

Feluxious' first recoil was understandable, but her second one had Neru tipping her head to the side. Not to mention, despite her voice showing pain, her body language didn't. Her voice seemed more desperate than in pain. If anything, she was emotionally hurt, rather than physically. But it would seem rude to simply out and admit that, so Neru chose to go along with the physical injury, for now. She had no desire to hurt one of her tribemates.

"Then I won't help. I'll simply stick around until you've healed it, yes? I won't be able to rest easy knowing somebody is out and about as well as injured. It wouldn't be right!"

Neru sat, not moving forward even when Feluxious began her steady back away. As if to prove she would be staying, she shuffled her wing claws forward until she was laying on her belly, her back paws pulled up next to her in a stance similar to that of a cat's. Something seemed too off here, and though she stated that she would be simply sticking around, Neru had no desire to leave until she found out what was truly wrong.

(Uber short, sorry. A bit tired.)

Why was Neru being so patient? Feluxious couldn't figure out how to make her go away. If she respected their status as an Emara, then she would take them for their word and leave them to tend their own 'wounds'. If she didn't think them capable, then she would be trying to help them somehow. However, she was doing neither of those things. 'What's making them so patient? Why are they acting this way? Everything I've said has been an attempt to get them to go away, but they're still here...! Maybe... maybe it's time for a completely different approach. I'm not too good at being honest though...' they thought with an inward sigh. "Then... then you might be here a while..."

Feluxious, her floating crystals, and her illusion collapsed all at once. Underneath showed her true face, her wettened beige scales instinctively glowing red, her eyes red from exertion. Her expression lacking the confidence it usually showed. In all, she looked a mess, sprawled out over the snowy ground. "I apologize that you had to see me lIke this Chief..." She lamented, her tone oddly formal for her usual dialect. With these words tears resumed streaming, falling and darkening the white snow underfoot.

Considering that her companion, at the very least, seemed conflicted due to her words, Neru settled herself down patiently. She let her head lower to settle on the ground between her wingtips, and her tail curl forward, tucking neatly against her side. Inwardly, she hoped she hadn't crossed some sort of line. Neru realized this could imply that she saw the other as unable to do the very job they'd trained so many years for, but she felt it wasn't right to leave another in this state. She could only hope Feluxious understood.

When Feluxious finally spoke, she jerked to attention, lifting her head back up off of the ground. Even with the verbal warning she was given, of sorts, she jumped once more, this time to her feet, as the dragon collapsed, small clouds of dust puffing up around her. Oh no... she thought, Neru's face gentling with sympathy as she saw what she had suspected come to life. Even that expectation made the sight no less painful. Lowering her ear flaps, she crept carefully forward, ready to back up if it semed as if she wasn't welcome. She froze as Feluxious spoke again, only to relax as she realized it wasn't a plea of privacy.

"It's no problem, Fel," Neru murmured, choosing to ignore the honorific this time, no matter how much she disliked them. As she reached the Emara, she lowered herself again, the light in the blue scales dimming slightly. She tipped her head to the side, for a moment unsure what to do. Neru often found crying helped heal whatever wound was made, internally, so she didn't think she should attempt to stop the tears. She also didn't want to make Feluxious feel weak, which, given her current state, could be all too easy.

Thus, after a moment of deliberation, she moved to Felux's side, settling down and pressing her own flank against hers. Her wing settled halfway on the other's back, and she curled her tail around herself, letting her head fall down on top of it. Her eyes turned to the stars, watching the glittering specks quietly while she let the other have a moment of peace.

Feluxious closed her eyes after her revelation, shutting out the scene around her. So much was going wrong all at once, and she wanted nothing more than for everything to disappear. For her not to have heard those words this morning. For her not to have chosen this location to cry. For her not to have embarrassed himself in front of the cute chieftain. For her to... wait... uh... for it to not be getting dark out... Feluxious wanted it all to be a bad dream, to wake up and start the day over again, and to do it better. Her eyes shut tighter. Maybe those old geezers were right. Maybe he really was good for nothing, despite his best efforts. All those decades of trying to prove them wrong, of succeeding out of spite, maybe they really all were for nothing... a chill wind whistled through the trees along the clearing.

The thoughts clouded her mind, distracting her from her surroundings. As such, it came as an utter surprise when Neru came in to contact with her. She let out a gentle gasp at the touch. The contact was... strangely comforting and warm. She wasn't used to being so close to anyone else. It was different when tending to a dragon that needed healing, and otherwise she only really interacted with others on a mental level. It was a wonderful feeling. She didn't deserve it. Feluxious shivered as the tears surged again, clenching her jaw tight. She was a waste, the leader of the Vuari had better things to do than be there with her, nothing she did had any real impact on the tribe, she was a disappointment to her clan, a disappointment to her tribe, a disappointment to her father, it would be better for her to disappear and yet....

She was comforted by the touch. It brought back hazy memories, ones of happy days. It made everything feel better. So maybe, just this once... She could be selfish. All her life she had worked for the sake of others, whether it be for her family or healing others. So just this once. She pressed against Neru, enjoying the contact. With a sad smile she looked up at the Wyvern, opening her eyes, only to be reminded of the darkness that had onset. She quickly glowed a flustered pattern, lighting up for her own benefit, then lit up a slightly brighter color at seeing Neru up close like that. "Thank you Neru. Really..." was all she managed to choke out, before her eyes dropped, unable to make eye contact.

Despite the gasp she gave at her touch, Neru made no reaction this time. She was well aware that this wasn't a gasp of fear or anger, and that was all she needed. Her eyes followed the stars, tracing the small lights across the skies in patterns left known to only her since her father's death. Constellations unlike the ones most commonly seen danced across her vision, full of trees and claws and even her mother, kind eyes just as patient as they'd always been. Beside her, Feluxious shivered and she glanced over, checking on her in a nearly instinctive action. Her gaze soon returned to the sky, confident it was nothing she needed to worry about right at this moment. Tears would eventually sort themselves out, and until then she could simply allow her presence to do its own work.

Caught up in the stars as she was, it was Feluxious light that managed to catch her attention the next time, flaring up with enough force that she blinked, lifting her head off of her tail to look at the other in curiosity. Neru merely blinked at the words she was given, eyes bright with the awareness of her surroundings that the night always seemed to bring. She shifted a little bit, settling her head carefully next to the Emara's, visible only in the feeble light her own scales gave off and the reflection granted by Felux'. "Don't worry about it," she admonished lightly, her tail tip flicking back and forth lazily. "Don't worry about a thing."

She couldn't bring herself to look directly at Neru, distracting herself by looking at her scales instead. They were black as the night, yet interspersed with glowing points. It was like the stars. Stars had always had a level of fascination to them. Along with the moon, they were sources of light in the darkness. Unlike the moon, they were often out of her view. Darkness was unsettling, so she always provided her own light after the sun set. With such light close at hand, the stars would fade from view, their light ironically hidden. Yet here they were, and so close too! Feluxious stifled the urge to reach out and touch one.

The words spoken to her echoed in her head all the while. 'Don't worry about a thing.' They repeated over and over in her head, each time leaving a more and more bitter taste in her mouth. "Don't worry about a thing you say...?" She ruefully began.   "You would ask the impossible of me dear Ne-...Chief. There is much too much for me to do every day for me to not worry. There are too many for me to mind to not worry. There is too much I need to consistently do for me to not worry. I cannot simply set aside all of my concerns, lest I find myself falling apart. So no, I can't do as you ask. Her voice grew more and more desperate and annoyed as she spoke, only to return to a more subtle sadness as she finished her small outburst. She wasn't meant to gaze upon the stars after all. Who was she to defy fate? "I'm keeping you from what brought you out here, no? You should go attend to that. It's not as though I won't be fine on my own..."

For a moment, only silence followed her words, and Neru found herself worrying if they'd been taken harshly. She had no intention of sounding harsh, but it seemed that these days her rank affected people's perception of her intentions or thoughts a lot more... harshly than they used to be. Granted, Felux didn't seem to be that way, but one could only guess the workings of another's mind. She had no way of truly knowing, in other words.

Luckily, the Emara spoke again within a few moments, pulling her away from her worried introspection. She lifted her head at the tone in Feluxious' voice, grimacing a bit at the word 'chief'.  It was a painful thing, rife with a feeling Neru couldn't put to words, but she could certainly relate to. The only ones that could definably be seen as busier than she was were, without a doubt, the Emaras, as well as the Sage. A mountain of dragons with little concern to danger tended to leave to many injuries at times, after all.

However, she had the feeling this was about more than simply her job. As far as she'd seen, no huge accident had happened that would leave enough work that could be considered stressful. Neru didn't think it would be smart to push, though. If Feluxious wasn't ready to speak of it, she had no place in attempting to pull it from her. "I understand,"she said, following her gaze back up to the skies. Her eyes easily found the traces of her nebula, streaks of blue that questioning had revealed little others saw. Perhaps her entire breed was crazy, seeing colors in the sky. "I find that choosing the correct times to set things aside helps keep that wave of stress back. Perhaps taking the time to forget can help whatever is bothering you. If not, I'm here to listen, if you need somebody to do so. I have little more to do than sleep at this time of night, unfortunately. I stay out because the stars draw me from the caves. My kind aren't made to sleep at night. If I leave you now, I'll simply do the same as I'm doing now, though perhaps from the air rather than the ground. So, if you don't object, I think I'll stay for a while."

Forget? Set aside her troubles? The concept of it rolled around in her mind, clamoring about. It shook her perceptions, disrupted her thoughts, broke her calm. It rallied against him like a prisoner, begging for release. How could he do such a thing? Forget the guise she wore every day? Forget the way her family treats him? Stop caring about all the perceptions of others? To do such a thing would be to reverse her very way of life. He could never do such a thing. No matter how much he wanted to.

She began to cry again. It was too much to handle. With the wyvern so close, and her problems so far away, the concept was too tempting. "No Neru!" She squacked out, her Vuarish inhibited by her emotional state. "I can't step away from that wave of stress! I'm atop an ocean of it, there is no place for me to step away to workout drowning! Besides, even if I did find an island to escape, I would never want to go back!" Her body coiled back in to a defensive stance, her tail instinctively signaling a danger signal. It was clear she was freaking out. "So no, I have to endure it, pretending I don't hear them in those tunnels. I have to keep up this facade."

Neru's eyes widened as Felux, rather than seeming calmed by her words, began to cry again. My fault.... she thought, staying still. While she'd always been generally okay with crying when it had nothing to do with her, causing others to cry tended to leave her more confused than willing to help. What had she done? How could she stop it? Did she offend Feluxious in some way? Neru didn't know at all. It seemed Feluxious had no intention of letting her stay confused, however, given the words that soon tumbled from her mouth. Instinctively, she let her ear flaps tuck tight to her head at the tone, partially an appearance of surprise and partially one of guilt. She made no move to follow the Emara as she moved away from her, the wing that had previously been partially settled against Felux's back falling to the ground limply.

For a moment, she remained silent, unsure how to reply to the words. Her gaze fell down to her tail fur, the silky strands splayed over the ground like a wisp of smoke. "If it's quiet tunnels you need, I know a blue wyvern whose caves are more empty than full." Her family's area had been carved out back when there were many of her kind. With it down to just herself, Fate being her closest relative, she wouldn't be surprised if her clan's area was the quietest in the tribe. What she was more concerned with, however, was that Feluxious seemed to see her family as stressful. Were they harsh to her? Were things going on among the Lightbringer clan that she should be concerned about? "Feluxious," she spoke carefully, not wanting to see more tears mar the scales that usually shined with such beauty. "Part of being happy is voicing when you're unhappy. Letting those around you know you're not okay with the situation. If there are those in the tribe that are behaving unfairly to you, you should tell me, or at the very least one of the Mestras, if the idea of speaking to me makes you uncomfortable."

Feluxious flinched and lowered her defensive stance, her mind reeling in shock at Neru's words. Was she really offering that? She found herself unable to counter the words for a while, her scales flickering from pink to green light in a nervous pattern. What was this offer truly though? Was she offering a hiding place? That was what she usually used the mountain for, until today... Was she offering living space? Such a notion was... ridiculous. Insane. Impractical. Ideal... but no. There was no way that was being offered to her. She hadn't worked towards that outcome at all, there was no way it was just being handed to her. No. There had to be something that she wasn't seeing. This didn't seem to benefit Neru at all!

"...What's the catch?" She eventually asked, after her tears had subsided for the moment. "There has to be some kind of catch here... you wouldn't just offer something like that, access to your family tunnels, if there wasn't something you wanted. You have me in a corner, offering something I apparently need. So what is it. What do you want from me?!" Her tone hysteric, she lowered her tail and moved her forebody forward, a much more desperate and pleading stance. "No i can't talk to you about my clan. Some things are secret for a reason! Besides, what will the tribe think? The chief inviting another draconiform in to her quarters? What are you playing at what is your game?" She shook violently, her lights strobing intensely, before suddenly dying down as she hung her head. "I just don't understand..."